Dou voltas e voltas, tropeço, caio, levanto Rodopio, corro, pulo Invento, sonho...

Dou voltas e voltas, tropeço, caio, levanto Rodopio, corro, pulo Invento, sonho...

HISTÓRIA, NADA DE ESTÓRIAS!

“Enquanto não atravessarmos nossa própria solidão, continuaremos a nos buscar em outras metades… Para viver a dois, antes, é necessário ser um.” – Fernando Pessoa.

Sempre me foi difícil ter relacionamentos plenos pois sempre acreditei não necessitar um par para ser feliz. Os necessitei como companheiros em vários momentos, mas não para me constituir como pessoa, para ser plena. Eu não tenho outra metade posto que nasci inteira! Não sou laranja nem outra fruta! Escolhi compartilhar minha vida, e escolher é diferente de precisar.

Mas a recíproca não me pareceu igual. Assim nenhum dos lados puderam ser felizes depois que a paixão do princípio se acalmou. Acho que por isso não perdurou, não tinha como perdurar. Quando a necessidade de um par é tão diferente, a relação fica capenga. Isso acontece a toda e qualquer união social, seja casal, família, amigos, trabalho. Quando o objetivo e/ou as necessidades da união se diferem, a união não pode permanecer estabelecida.

E aí as diferenças ficam soberbas! E essa soberbia incomoda muito, transformando-se em verdadeira T.N.T.

As gracinhas viram ironias. As piadas, provocações. O nível social que dantes não era problema, passa a ser um despautério! A intelectualidade divergente que podia dar até um certo molho picante no início, passa a ser falta de inteligência cortante!! A variedade cultural de um lado vira snobismo à singularidade do outro.

Mas as experiências servem para o aprendizado e crescimento humano. E por mais que doa, transformar a dor é direito e evolução do ser humano. Intuito de alguns, conquistas de pouquíssimos já que para isso havemos de nos aprofundar mais e mais nessa dor, senti-la ainda mais forte. Aí então poderemos começar a destrinchá-la, entendê-la e tirar-lhe proveito.

Ou então simplesmente fechamos o livro, o ignoramos, repetimos tudo de novo, fracassamos uma e outra vez, e ficamos ali no mesmo lugar acreditando em uma evolução frágil e mascarada. E a vida passa. Pode até que a estória perdure, mas a evolução ficou estancada muito tempo atrás…

Para alguns, ou muitos, essa simplicidade (na falta da palavra simploriedade) pode ser suficiente, mas não para mim! Os simples resolvem a complexidade, os simplórios a evitam. Antes de alimentar minh’alma ou corpo, necessito alimentar meu cérebro. E cérebros se alimentam apenas de outros cérebros!

Uma vez alguém me disse que errar o mesmo erro uma e outra vez era como assistir o mesmo filme e a cada vez, esperar que o herói não morresse no final, esquecendo que tudo aquilo era apenas a re-apresentação do mesmo filme, apenas com um casting diferente.

Por isso não releio as mesmas estórias…

CONCLUSÃO DE FATOS?

A frase é de Freud, nenhuma novidade e muitos a conhecem. Mas sabe quando a gente finalmente começa a colher os frutos de uma longa e profunda transformação em nossa vida? E tomamos o conhecimento que esses frutos não são temporários, que são simplesmente parte do seu “eu”?

A transformação ocorre ao seu redor, na sua vida, feita por você e forçada pelos acontecimentos da vida, mas o que vem à tona mesmo, depois de você finalmente conseguir respirar sem esforço é a sua essência!

Pois é, essa frase de Freud me mostrou com tanta simplicidade a base de toda minha transformação, resgate de quem realmente sou e meus questionamentos! Aqui vai:

“QUANDO A DOR DE NÃO ESTAR VIVENDO FOR MAIOR QUE O MEDO DA MUDANÇA, A PESSOA MUDA.”

HOW THINGS WORK, OR WTF IS THIS?

Yep, the tittle sounds weird, doesn’t it? But you know the times in your life that you had a boyfriend/girlfriend and thought it was forever, the one and only love of your life, blah, blah, blah? And then you break up, he/she breaks your heart, or you break his/her’s. Until one day you meet someone else and you think “Wow, now THIS is love! I realize I never had loved before!”

Every new love makes us believe we never felt that way before. All because the time has passed and we healed our wounds – or we think we did. All because we wanted to forget the amazing romantic moments of our previous relationships because it ended, done, kaput! We trained our minds not to remember these moments because, other way, we cannot heal! And we‘re too much of cowards to confront our own feelings!

But you know, you did love this way before! I did it too! What I really think is that we make all this ridiculous thoughts to protect ourselves and to believe the old romance ended because this new one had to has place in our life! Yeah… No, nothing was written in the stars! The other romance ended because something stopped working, or the love ended, or just because you grew in different directions!

I’m laughing… Maybe I’m the weird one, but every time I loved somebody, I loved him forever, with all my heart! I was never able to half-love, kind of love, almost love, and I don’t believe this is possible! The new love is the ONE? Great! Off course it is! Is the ONE now, in this moment, like your other lovers were in their moment! And this is how life is supposed to be!

But, please, be a real person and assume you did love more than anything before! It’s OK, it’ll not hurt! Just assume it and say to yourself the truth of your heart! You and your new lover have to do the same because you’ll always love your new lover better than the anterior(s) one(s) because we’re all suppose to grow and learn in each of our relationships. We learn better with practice, right? So…

And I’m so proud I did love my old lovers like they were unique! And I love to remember the fantastic and beautiful romantic moments I had with them! The rolling skate ring with slow music so we could roll holding hands. The weekends in some friend’s farm in Brazil in front of the fire place drinking some probably cheap wine. The night clubs in Rio dancing cheek-to-cheek. The car racings in Rio or São Paulo race tracks. The drives through Rio coast during the sunset in his convertible listen to Grover Washington Jr.. Buzios and the windsurf. If you ask me if I would drop everything again to stay in Europe because of him, I would say yes. I would, in that time I would.

I can’t forget the motorcycle day trips to little towns in the Mediterranean coast, or through the Catalunya mountains! The trips to Tiradentes during the winter and the night life with bodyguards around because he owned the club and he was too jealous. The long nights at the internet just to be able to chat with him having to go to work the morning after like a zombie! Do you want to know if I would drop everything to go to California? Yes, even knowing how it ended, if I was in that same time, I would do it again! And the songs that were wrote for me, they’ll still be written for me.

And other lovers will come, and I hope I’ll love him/them the same way I did it before: giving all my heart! I really like to keep the memories of the fantastic moments I had with the men I loved. Maybe I can do that because I’m totally fine and happy by myself and I never really needed anyone to be happy. A lot of times I wanted to have someone in my life to share it, but I didn’t need anyone because I’m totally able to create my own happiness.

Maybe I can do this because of this independent and free spirit I have. Maybe I can do this because I’m really healed… Maybe only because I’m like this, me!

E O RIO DE JANEIRO? AH… O RIO DE JANEIRO!!

Ah, Maestro… Se penso no Rio, penso em você. Se penso em você, penso na minha saudade de ouvir sua voz, de saber que você estava alí no Horto. Dava para ouvir seu piano na casa do seu vizinho, meu amigo. Me lembro quando lhe conheci! Naquele dia meu coração quase saiu pela boca, me deu uma tremedeira e você ainda me disse: “Você é Ana Luiza? Gosta da música? Então considere-a sua!” Ah, Maestro, nunca vou esquecer um segundo sequer daquele dia!!! Obrigada…

Eu não sei dizer qual o lugar mais bonito do Rio… O Rio é algo, sei lá!! É, é isso: o Rio é um sei lá que mora dentro do meu peito e por mais que tentem arrancá-lo, ele é teimoso e não sai!

MRAZ BEING HIMSELF AGAIN


You fuckin’ did it
you really did it yeah
you really did it
you really did it 

all those who are hangin’ round the water cooler
will never believe how you tackled the thousand puzzle pieces
and you could see it before we completed it
before we made it whole
how you put it all together with a blindfold

you’re like a long game token that keeps the game goin’
but your claim to fame is how you like to lay low
out of the lime light
which can hurt your eyes

if you’re not careful you’ll become another devil in disguise

but you watch your back
you watch your back
you’re growing eyes in the back of your head
to prevent another sneak attack
sneak attack
you must be keepin’ secret weapons in your fanny pack

you’re like my laughing gas
you got the cat to dance
you’re like Lance on a mountain in the tour de France
you got a wing span spanning the globe
you got gold
and you’re teaching us to let go

you’re a wise old owl when you’re the cat’s meow
if this were twelfth grade you’d be my cap and gown
if this were India then you’d be a sacred cow
and I’d bow down to you

so grateful to the gods for making you

CHORUS

you’ll be standing up for the equal right of the American people
and you’ll be meeting all the influential seekers with a similar dream
you’ve got a front seat saved that’s emblazed with your name
and a super hero cape on

you see the future as a sky full of possibility
with a spryness of mind and a psychic ability
you probably won’t die at the hands of an enemy
and not in a den of inequity

You’re not the average Joe
you’re not the average Jane
you’re not above or below
but you’re never just plain
you never take no personally
and any time you get stopped you try another way

could we settle for a kiss without a cease and desist
if they ask we won’t tell ’cause we’re activists
i am that I am and you are that you are
and we’re all that is

how p-e-r-f-e-c-t your a-t-t-i-t-u-d-e be

CHORUS

SKATING

When you circumnavigating the turntable call and attracts
like you be jumpin’ in the water you be makin’ a splash
you be keepin’ your heart beat going
and keepin’ the harmony going

well there’s an awful lot of music styles you could play
well there’s an awful lot of tastes
an awful lot of dates you could be on
you be keepin’ your back bone strong
and be keepin’ the trombone blowin’

well every friend of mine will give each other high-fives
when your beautiful mind is to your own devices
you do what you like and you always like what you try

you touch me like an iPhone application
move me like a smooth jazz music station
doin’ what you do in the way that you choose to do them
oh my god

you’re quick to be so quotable
damn you got a way with words
you got a magical handshake for saving the earth
you are a generous man
you are so awesome it hurts

and you are a-w-e-s-o-m-e

CHORUS

you are a-w-e-s-o-m-e
you are a-w-e-s-o-m-e

you are a-w-e-s-o-m-e
you are a-w-e-s-o-m-e
you are a-w-e-s-o-me