– First of all, I know people care about us and they just want to be there, be helpful, and simpathyze with what we are going through. But, please, please, please, do not tell us you understand what we are feeling if you never had to go through cancer surgeries, treatments, etc. Believe me, YOU DO NOT KNOW what we are feeling!

– I respect all the religions, and I do not try to impose my believes on anyone. So, please, do not bring your religion to me. You can pray for me. And, please, do it! It means you care about me! And I would love to know you are doing it! But DO NOT tell me “God (does not matter which one!) does not give you more than you can handle” – so it means that if I can not handle this God is joking with me? And what about all the people who died from the same thing, it was God’s mistake? Ops, I am sorry, that is it???

– We need friends around to help us and to keep us from feeling alone. But must be the kind of friend that will not feel bad if we do not walk them to the door, or we just fall sleep – it is good to take a nap knowing a good friend is watching over us! Loneliness is a huge bad monster after us when we are sick.

– We need people who understand if we fall apart it is because this is freaking scary, painful, and our hormones are a big mess – we do not need anyone telling us things are going to be all right, because we know that! We just need a shoulder for a good cry!

– Light movies! Does not matter if it is a comedy, drama, romance, action, they need to be light with happy endings – watch out not to get movies where somebody has cancer: WE DO NOT WANT TO KNOW ABOUT ANY OTHER CANCER! THE CANCER WE HAVE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW, for us! Also they need to be light because we probably will fall sleep, or could not concentrate (chemo brain!).

– Fun, light and entertaining books – but watch out, looks like taking our boobs out has a deep relation with our ability to concentrate in a long story (chemo brain again!)! Short story books are better.

– Cute little gifts. Cute comfortable socks, soft blanket, a soft light (not heavy) pillow so we can hug to sleep – the position is pretty uncomfortable.

– Our favorite smoothie, coffee, cake, sandwich, chocolate…. Treats! Treats! Treats! We do not need to eat healthy while in chemo, we just need to eat, what is really hard to do! So, if we ask you for junk food, give it to us!

– Really important is not to hear from anyone: “your cancer”. It is NOT our cancer, it is NOT my cancer! We did not buy it. We did not chose it! We did not put it there! It is an ALIEN that invaded our body!

– REALLY IMPORTANT: do not tell us about a tea, herbs, supplements, alternative medicine, graviola leaf tea, green tea & ginseng balm for scars, etc, etc, etc! WE CAN NOT USE ANYTHING WITHOUT THE APPROVAL OF OUR DOCTORS! And we DO NOT want to have any doubts about our doctor’s advice with all these new options you bring to us!

– But the most important thing is: we just need LOVE!

Comment from my sister: “And your sister cooking for you!” 😉


  1. Mauro says:

    Ótimo post, Naluh. Essas coisas precisam ser ditas porque o povo não sabe ou se toca — e não estou me isentando. 🙂

    Depois me escreve e conta como você está, não “falo” com você já faz um tempinho, né?

  2. Lilian says:

    Obrigada pelas dicas.
    Tenho uma tia que está passando por uma fase muito difícil e ficamos todos preocupados, tateando, pensando de que forma podemos lhe trazer um pouco de conforto.
    Que bom saber da sua superação. Histórias como a sua dão ânimo e esperança.

  3. Naluh says:

    Lilian, obrigada. É sempre bom saber que a nossa experiência pode ajudar alguém. Mas olha, o mais importante de tudo é ter good attitude e ânimo, sempre! Gritar, chorar, espernear é muito bom para desabafar, mas a gente tem que tentar ter bom humor, mesmo nessas horas!
    Tenho bastante material – tinha um blog que tirei do ar educando sobre câncer e falando da minha experiência – que se você quiser ou precisar, estou às ordens!
    Beijos e queijos!!!

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